Divorce (effects of divorce) Essay

Is coupling no much than the result of voluntary agreements between two private individuals? Is the lack of detail concerning man and wife arrangements causing all the fall apart debates? Does dissever cause problems or solve them? Why is marriage much(prenominal) a religious experience and split much(prenominal)(prenominal) a legal experience? Why do marriages take run under the eye of God while disjoints take place under the eyes of the law?I believe that it was because of my p arnts separate that I have chosen to tackle such a controversial topic. In m each focusings, I am in search of my own opinion. My parents separated by dint of the no-fault system. My dad decided it was time to move on to a nonher life I guess. The no-fault carve up is a form of divorce granted without blame being sought or established. Sometimes, I try to destine of how my life would have turned out if they were still together. I wonder if life would be any better. However, there are other d ays when I thank God for put me through such troubling times without them, I wouldnt be where I am today.What troubles me with marriage/divorce issues is that sensation is dealt with while the other lies on the floor. Today, we discuss marriage, and we discuss divorce, but never both at the kindred time. Should we push premarital counseling, or should we make divorce harder? Why must we discuss unitary or the other and non both? on that point are so many questions concerning marriage and divorce, and that is why Im writing to you. I hope to answer some questions you whitethorn have. though you may not form an opinion intimately no-fault divorce, you should finish this bind with a little satisfaction, knowing that youve seen both sides of the issue.There are many people who have spoken out close to no-fault divorce and family relationships, but I go away focus on two. In The fall apart Debate, Maggie Gallagher, a scholar at the Institute for American Values, tries to answ er the question What, if anything, can we do about the fact that at least half of our marriages crumple? In another article, The Making of a Divorce Culture, Barbara Dafoe Whitehead discusses the idea that, Divorce hasbe execute an American way of life exactly as a result of recent and revolutionary flip.I was rattling turned-off by Gallaghers article. First, it starts off with what the author thinks should be a shared assumption the assumption tell that divorce is harmful for children. Not every(prenominal)one believes that. She goes on by asking, Whatcan we do? Gallagher continues with her article by putting down other states because of their divorce stipulations. She says that they are not working. Yes, she did back that statement up with information from Judith Wallersteins book, Second Chance, and statistics from the Journal of Marriage and Family, but they were buriedbetween the many instances in which she shared the views of her opposition.The way she recognized the re asoning toilet the speedy spouse disposal or delayed backlash was a nice touch. Unfortunately, Gallagher was so involved with trying to show the other side of things, she forgot to give the reasoning behind her own ideas. Through the entire article, she used negative words or phrases to express her feelings on divorce they include harmful, delayed backlash, speedy spouse removal, eliminating, marital wrongdoing, dissolve a marriage, bitter conflict, unhappy marriages, austere times, punishments, messy and irrelevant, and torment. However, she never once suggested a solution for the problem of divorce. How can one argue with the ideas of others, if that psyche has no argument of their own?After reading the article, I was pretty confident that the author had not individualizedly been through a divorce of her own. This alone, caused me to question her. I felt that a more personal article involving some of her own experiences would have been more convincing. I realized that she was writing with a rational approach, but I believe an emotional one would have been better. Divorce is a topic that touches every person in so many different ways. If the article would have reached to the heart, it would have been more persuasive.though I am unhappy with the way the topic was approached, I am sure that theessay was not quickly written. Their was a lot of research involved in this article. Gallagher explained how different states came up with different solutions for divorce. She discussed the no-fault divorce and the time lag distributor point before a divorce. Her statistic was a neat bonus.Divorce is certainly a majuscule topic for debate as we head into the new millennium. There are many assumptions made about divorce, both shared and unshared. Some people believe that divorce is always a bad thing, no government issue what the situation. Others believe its a matter of what is best for the children (if there are any). Gallagher challenges the assumption that no -fault will.remake divorce into a kinder, gentler fundament.Whiteheads article was more impressive. In the second paragraph of the article, Whitehead uses a set of statistics to point out how divorce has moved from the margins to the mainstream of American life in the space of ternion decades. However, statistics are not her only form of support. In her fifth paragraph, she starts to explain the new ideas that have come along with the revolution. She begins to explain how people today believe that there is a moral obligation to wait on after oneself. She elaborates on the statement through several(prenominal) of the following paragraphs.Whitehead discusses divorce as the working out of an inner life experience. In paragraph sixteen, she writes about no-fault divorce. Around paragraph 22, divorce is looked at as a cause for some the economical changes in society. She lasts her article with this statement Divorce in America is not unique, but what we have made of divorce is unique ly American.The essay made several assumptions. mavin assumption she expanded on was one that discussed how society is becoming more in-tune with the idea of self-gratification. Though not everyone may agree, I do. More and more people are worrying about themselves and what will happen to them in specific situations, rather than worrying about what will happen to everyone involved. One of the more recognizable assumptions made was one discussing how divorce has hurt children. This seems to be an assumption shared by many. Children of garbled homes are deeply affected by divorce.The main question I want to pursue is this Is no-fault divorce an easy way out, or is a healthy way of resolving difficult marriages? In the article Abolish No-Fault Divorce?, Representative Dalman expresses her position when she states, Two people take the vows of marriage, but under no-fault divorce laws, only one can dissolve the payload. Its easier to end a marriage than it is to break a contract for b uying a household appliance.Disposable marriage cheapens the commitment and degrades our vows of fidelity and lifelong love. Divorce rates across the nation have soared since the implementation of no-fault divorce standards in the early 1970s. (Ager 1) Dalman continues her argument by following with, Pr even uption is the best solution to any problem. While an educational program cant prevent all divorce, it does lay the groundwork for stronger unions. Families educated about problem-solving skills have a better fortune for successful relationships.Ager has a different view. She says, Human relationships are fragile and prone to disease. Not all marriages be to be saved, and Id argue that divorce has redeemed more human spirits than it has doomed. She past goes on to ask .what about encouraging women to become financially self-sufficient before they become mothers? What about keeping better track of dead-beat dads? What about government-financed day care? What about training husb ands and wives to enter divorce, for the interest group of their children, not as a war but as a creative project for change? These are all very good questions that must be considered when forming opinions on the no-fault divorce debate. One surgical incision of Agers article really caught my eye. It is as followsEven now, in households were divorce is taboo, children grow up schooling the ways of love from moms and dads who never embrace, who rarely laugh together, who fail to demonstrate that arguments can end with compromise and forgiveness. These moms and dads become role models for bitterness, resignation or both. This is good for the kids? This teaches them commitment? No wonder commitment gets a bad rap, promising dullness and ache. Can mandated premarital counseling.help keep two people mirthfully together until death? Chances are slim.Premarital counseling canthurt,but it wont train couples for marriages surprises any more than a flight attendants office safety speech w ill prepare passengers for terror in the air. You gotta pull through it to know it.Not only do individuals have opinions, but each state has come up with some ideas of their own. In States indue Minor Speed Bumps In Divorce Path No-Fault Backlash, Ann Tyson discusses the decisions of some states. Several states require mandatory parenting classes and plans. In Iowa, for instance, it is required that parents take classes so that they may better understand the practical and emotional impact of divorce on children. In Michigan, it may be required to submit detailed parenting plans that cover issues such as visitation, discipline, and education. (Tyson 1-2)Delaying divorce is another topic discussed in Tysons article. Bills in Georgia, Oklahoma, and Idaho have required that marriage counseling and long waiting periods take place before divorce. In some states it is required to take a series of one-hour counseling sessions before divorce, while in other states, a one-year waiting perio d has been put into effect. (Tyson 2)Maybe the smart choice is strengthening marriage bonds. Tom McMillen, director of the Rocky flowerpot Family Council in Denver, Colorado, said, Marriage is not just a lifestyle choice, its a critical institution that allows our culture to move forward. Some states such as Minnesota and Michigan agree with McMillen and have instituted premarital counseling, rather than pre-divorce counseling.We have to decide what is more important to our society. Research shows that divorced women suffer a liquidate in income ranging on average from 30 percent to 70 percent. More than half of all female-headed households with children live in poverty, compared with only 10 percent of all other families with children. Medical experts say that men who divorce are to experience greater health problems and higher rates of suicide than married men. Are these things waste to our society, or do we need to look at the other sideof things? Without no-fault divorce, man y people may become trapped in abusive relationships. There may be an increase in desertion. One spouse may be lead to use bribes or threats to win the consent of the other to end marriage, thus creating the return of blackmail under the old fault-based system. (Tyson 1-3)Maybe the topic isnt the narrow one we perceive it to be. Maybe the topic evolves more around family itself. Midge Decter does an excellent job of discussing family in her article, The Madness of the American Family. She explains how a family compares with a lean, and not the Garden of Eden. A rock, can be far from a well-heeled place to be. But, she says, living on a rock keeps you out of the swamps..The most dangerous of these swamps is a place of limitless and willfully defined individual freedom.The land of limitless freedom, as so many among us are now beginning to discover, turns out to be nothing other than the deep muck and grind to a halt of Self. She continues, The only escape from the swamp of Self is the instinctual and lifelong engagement in the fate of others. Decter discusses how being in a family may not make you happy, but it makes you human. She goes onTogether, marriage and parenthood are the rock on which human existence stands.and No matter how ardently a young man and adult female believe they wish to spend their lives with one another, and no matter how enthusiastically they greet the knowledge that they are to have a baby, they do not undertake either of these things in full knowledge of the commitment they are undertakingthey do not know that they are embarked upon a long, long, and sometimes arduous and even unpleasant journey. (Decter 1-19)Marriage, family, and divorce, are three controversial topics that each person must deal with in their lifetime. The great thing about them is that we are each allowed to have our own opinions about them. Maybe you havent picked sides, and maybe you havent heard enough to make a stand, but hopefully this article has got you th inking. I myself have not yet chosen a position on the topic. No-fault divorce has such a complicated base. Each marital problem causes rise to newfound solutions concerning divorce.Every person comes up with their own opinions. Each state has its laws, its bills,and its proposals to solve the problems concerning marriage and divorce. The nation finds such problems floating above its head, waiting for someone, or something, to take hold and decrease its power to control the people within it. Nevertheless, Dector reminds us not to get frustrated about such topics when she says, All this should be a very simple matter God knows, its been going on long enough. So why have we fallen into such a state of confusion?